


Let Yourself Lose Yourself

by shocked_into_shame



Series: It's Not Like Any Other Love [2]
Category: The Smiths
Genre: Andy tries to help, Anniversary, Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Soft-core
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:05:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3403097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shocked_into_shame/pseuds/shocked_into_shame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'Its Not Like Any Other Love': Morrissey is in love. Hopelessly in love. But how does he tell Johnny that? And how can he express his desire to do unspeakable things to Johnny without melting into a puddle of embarrassment?<br/>[Originally Posted on Tumblr]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Yourself Lose Yourself

**Just as a warning, this one is borderline NSFW, but I've decided to go a little softer with it. You'll see what I mean. It does have sexy bits though. Just barely.**

 

Morrissey sighs as he fixes his hair in the rehearsal space's small bathroom, sensing the beginnings of a dilemma. He and Johnny had been dating for almost 6 months, the best 6 months of Moz's life. Everything is falling into place; he has a wonderful boyfriend and the Smiths' next album _Meat is Murder_ is set to drop any day now. There is, of course, an issue. There's always an issue with the singer.

He loves Johnny. As in, he's _in love_ with Johnny. But he is entirely too frightened to admit it, and Johnny doesn't seem too inclined to say anything soon.

The other problem is sex.

Morrissey is not a blushing virgin, of course. He's had sex a couple of times, with girls, when he was a teenager. But those were awful experiences. He left feeling cold and unloved, extremely displeased with himself and the conjugal act in general. But, with Johnny, there's a need within him. There is this very bizarre desire for sex with Johnny, something that he doesn't know how to express.

Johnny doesn't seem inclined to start that, either. Which poses a problem, because Johnny is supposed to be all about sex, right? Before they started dating, when they had just met each other, Johnny had a different girl all the time. So if he can have sex with all of those girls, then what's wrong with Morrissey?

Moz buries his face in his hands, near tears. It makes him feel stupid, crying like this over such a silly thing. He doesn't even notice Andy enter the bathroom.

“Moz, are you a'ight?” The singer quickly wipes his eyes and nods. The blonde isn't convinced.

“Really, what's wrong? You can talk to me.” Andy's green eyes widen as a thought of why Moz might be upset comes to mind. “Did you and Johnny break up?”

“No, no!” Moz says, laughing slightly as he wipes his eyes. “We are very happy. It's just...”

“Just what?” Andy asks with a grin. “Actually, let me take a piss first. Then we can talk about it.”

“So, you're telling me that you want to tell Johnny you love him, and you want to try doing some intimate stuff with him?” Andy asks, leaning back and taking a drag of his cigarette. Moz nods in reply, blushing. He feels a bit awkward, but Andy is Johnny's best friend and he is growing to be a good friend to Moz, too. He's the only one Morrissey can really talk to about this. “Okay. I'll tell you this straight out. Johnny loves you too. I know he does. I also know that he does want to have sex with you. But he's afraid he'll push you away if he gets too serious to quickly. So you're gonna have to make the moves, here.”

“Me?” Morrissey asks, a bit surprised, his blue eyes wide. “But I...”

Andy rolls his eyes. “You want to tell Johnny you love him?”

“Yes, but I--”

“You want to have sex with Johnny?”

“ _Yes, but I-_ -”

“Well then,” Andy quips, burning out his cigarette. “You're going to have to be the one who starts it.” The blonde gives Moz a reassuring smile and gets up. “I promise you that it will all work out. Just trust me.”

Morrissey sighs and thinks. There has to be some way that he can get all this out and make it special. He's taken back to their first date, and how wonderful that was. He's reminded of how he made the first move, kissed Johnny on a whim even though he was terrified. Maybe, just _maybe,_ if he can channel that, he'll be courageous enough to do this.

And suddenly, an idea dawns on him.

Moz knocks at Johnny's door, picnic basket in hand. He has on his pink sweater and pink button up blouse on underneath, glasses on his face. Wrought with nerves, he bounces slightly on the balls of his feet as he waits for Johnny to answer the door.

“Hello, why are you--” Johnny cuts himself off as he notices who is at his door. Morrissey smiles shyly and looks down. _Perhaps he should have called first_. “Hi, baby. What are you doing here?” Johnny asks, smiling and leaning up on his tiptoes to place a chaste kiss on Moz's lips.

“We are going on a date.”

“Oh, we are?” Johnny asks playfully, a smirk growing on his face. “That's news to me.”

“Cmon, just get dressed. This is supposed to be spontaneous and romantic.”

Johnny shakes his head and gives Moz another kiss. This one lingers much longer than their first, becomes heated very quickly. Morrissey pulls away, red staining his cheeks. “Perhaps the neighbors would rather we take this inside. Or, perhaps they'd rather you go get dressed so we can go.” The singer licks his lips as he watches Johnny turn to go get changed. Within 10 minutes the shorter man is ready, wearing a button up shirt with a strange pattern and a beanie. He looks absolutely adorable, Moz thinks, and the taller man can't help but wrap his arms around his boyfriend's shorter frame.

“I forgot to say hello. Hello.” Johnny laughs and pulls away from the hug, shaking his head.

“Well, are we going or not?” Moz nods and takes Johnny's hand, and begins his walk to the park. Once they get there, Moz sets out a blanket, in the very same spot where they had their first date, a fact which Johnny voices. “Do you know what today is?” Morrissey asks as he sits down on the blanket.

Johnny sits on his lap with a cheeky grin. “No, I don't.”

Moz wraps his arms around Johnny's waist. “Today marks exactly 6 months that we have been dating.”

Johnny smiles widely and kisses the side of Morrissey's head. “That's true. I completely forgot.”

“So I thought, to celebrate, we could reenact our first date. Apart from the severed head and guitar playing, of course. But if you want to go back home and get the acoustic, I could probably struggle through a charming rendition of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'” Johnny begins to laugh hysterically, rolling off Moz's lap onto the ground. He's holding his stomach, pealing laughter escaping him. Moz doesn't know whether or not to take it personally.

“I'm just...” Johnny gasps for breath. “I'm just picturing you, this genius songwriter, desperately trying to play children's music on a guitar.”

Moz rolls his eyes and lays down beside Johnny, on his stomach, head propped up in his hands. “You know, I take offense to that. For all you know, I might be a genius guitarist. A virtuoso in waiting.”

“Well if it's anything like your piano playing, I'm sure we'd all be in for a real treat.” Johnny quips, grinning crookedly. There's nothing but affection in his eyes, and he looks at Moz with such caring that it makes the older man's heart race in his chest. Johnny is such a lovely person. He understands Morrissey better than anyone else, can make him laugh until he cries. Every day he makes Moz feel like a better person, a better version of himself.

And lying there on that blanket, looking at a slightly flushed, still giggling Johnny, the words just fly out of Morrissey's mouth in a rush. They can't be stopped, really. “I love you.”

Johnny's brown eyes widen and he sits up. “Really?”

Moz's heart pounds. No going back now. He sits up, too, facing Johnny. “Really. More than anything else in the entire world.”

Johnny breaks out in the largest smile that Moz has ever seen him wear. It makes the tenseness in Moz's shoulders go away slightly, has his heart slowing down just a bit. “I love you, too, baby.”

The quiffed man begins to laugh, throwing his arms around Johnny and hugging him tightly. Johnny hugs back, resting his head on Moz's shoulder. “I love you. You love me. I love you and you love me back. Isn't that amazing?” Morrissey babbles, vaguely sounding like a giddy child.

Johnny just smiles and kisses his boyfriend tenderly.

The sun is beginning to set, and the pair are kissing languidly on the picnic blanket. It's a slow, deep kiss that has arousal building in the pit of Moz's stomach, soft whimpers echoing in the back of his throat. Johnny's tongue is wrapped around his and their bodies are pressed close against each other. Maybe he's imagining it, but Morrissey swears he feels Johnny hardening against his hip. Well, here's his chance. Morrissey pulls away, which Johnny doesn't look very pleased about. “How about...” Moz voices comes out in a shy whisper. “How about we continue this at my place? Maybe you can stay the night.”

Johnny's eyes widen. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

“If what you think I'm saying sounds pleasing to you, then, yes, I am saying what you think I'm saying.” Johnny looks more than a little confused. Morrissey sighs, his cheeks growing hot. He supposes he has to just come out and say it. “Johnny, I want you to make love to me.”

Johnny leans down and attaches his lips to Moz's neck, something he's never done before; it makes the hairs on Morrissey's arms stand up. His hands trail down the older man's stomach and grasp the bottom of Moz's sweater, ready to pull it up. Moz laughs. “Not here... Just. Take me home.”

Moz and Johnny are on Moz's bed, both shirtless and kissing. Moz pulls away and sighs, nerves brewing again.

“What's wrong, love?” Johnny asks, peppering kisses to Morrissey's jaw and neck.

“It's just... Anytime I've ever done anything sexual I always end up feeling awful about myself. And I know that this is different; I felt no attachment to the girls I was with in the past and I _love_ you. But I'm...” tears of embarrassment sting at Moz's eyes as he trails off. “I'm afraid that I won't be any good. And you deserve someone who is good at this, Johnny.”

Johnny looks up sadly into Moz's eyes, hugging him delicately around the shoulders. “Are you sure you're ready for this? I don't want you to do anything you aren't comfortable with.”

“I'm sure, Johnny. Just be patient with me.”

The lead-up passes in a blur for Morrissey. There is an awkwardness, yes, especially when Johnny first touches him below the belt. There is an embarrassment, a worry he is being too loud or too sensitive. But Johnny is steadfastly patient and kind with him, and slowly he eases into the feeling. Morrissey allows himself to give himself up, to just allow the pleasure of it to overtake him. Once he lets himself do that, he finds himself enjoying himself immensely. And when Johnny finally, _finally,_ enters him and they clutch at one another, racing toward their peaks, Moz feels loved. In that moment after he is already winding down from his own pleasure and Johnny is just reaching his, gasping his name and clutching at Moz's waist, sweat on his brow and breath coming out in soft pants, Moz feels closer to his boyfriend than he's ever felt before. He feels closer to him than he's ever felt to _anyone_ before.

After its done they lay in a mass of naked, tangled limbs, both of them gasping for air and grinning madly. Johnny climbs over Moz to look at the time, laughing when he sees it. Moz smiles and asks, “What's so funny?”

“We went at it for 2 hours.”

“Is that good?”

Johnny smiles and his brown eyes twinkle slightly as he replies, “Very, _very_ good.”

“Do you think you have another 2 hours in you? I mean, you're naked and pressed up against me and certain things happen with that, Johnny.”

Johnny laughs incredulously and glances down between Moz's legs. “Already? Jesus Christ, I love you so much.”

Morrissey pulls him in for a kiss.  


End file.
